Do Andy Murray matches scare you? Leave you a quivering wreck? Drained? Exhausted? Shattered? Then you need: the Andy Murray Match Survival Pack!
Each Pack contains:
1 – Chocolate – for sustenance
2 – A sofa – to hide behind
3 – Cushions x 2 – to throw at the TV
4 – Spare fingernails x triple pack – to chew endlessly
5 – Alcohol – to calm nerves
6 – More chocolate – for more sustenance
7 – A psychiatric helpline number – for recovery of sanity
8 – A dark room/bed combo – for recovery of health
The Andy Murray Match Survival Pack* is guaranteed to help you withstand the nerve shredding experience of watching Andy Murray matches. That’s right! Survival guaranteed! Get it before the next match – or lose your marbles! But hurry! This exclusive offer ends next Sunday!
*Caution: Murray matches are not advisable for those with a heart condition or weak disposition.
Watch responsibly. You don’t want the neighbours to call the police.
This advertisement was brought to you by GibberingWreckFans Inc. Helping British tennis fans cope since Henmania.